'Game of Thrones' season 6 premiere recap: A whole new woman

Nice to meet the real you, Melisandre.
Maybe it feels odd that a season premiere coming off of last season’s epic battles and assassinations (don’t worry, I’m going to talk about Jon Snow below) would end on an old, naked woman going to sleep. It’s such a quiet, reflective note on a show that often preempts the quiet for the bombastic.  more....



But Game of Thrones has always been a show that thrived on subverting expectations and appearances and how a traditional story is supposed to go. Ned Stark was never the protagonist of this story. No one is safe in this world, not your heroes (like Robb) or your villains (like Joffrey). The undead can wage war and a shadow can kill a king. A young, powerful, confident woman can actually be an old, shriveled, sad magician who has lost her faith.
Faith was lost all over the world of the show in the premiere. Melisandre, it seems, has lost her faith in her own abilities and even the Lord of Light, Roose is losing what little faith he had in his bastard son, Cersei continues to lose faith in herself, Doran lost the faith of the Sand Snakes, and thus, his life, and Arya has lost faith in her own abilities and the teachings of the Faceless Men.
For all of their sakes, let’s hope they find something to believe in soon.

The night is dark and full of traitors

Ser Davos Seaworth is back. And he's still in Jon Snow's corner. (Photo: Helen Sloane, HBO)

Here’s a question for you all: Where were all these good, Jon Snow-loyal members of the Night’s Watch when Jon was getting assassinated all Julius Caeser style? We guess they were eating dinner or something when Olly (grrr, Olly) and the rest took out our favorite Lord Commander (but maybe not forever, more on him at the end of the recap). But anyways, they’re here now, and along with Davos, Ghost and Melisandre, they’re going to defend Jon’s body, and whatever else needs defending.
Alliser, meanwhile, is rallying more brothers to his cause, freely admitting that he murdered Jon but also maintaining he did it “for the Watch." In his new position of power he goes to the room Davos and the rest are holed up in, and suggests they peacefully surrender and go on their merry way from Castle Black. Besides getting in the night’s best joke about mutton, Davos also knows Alliser’s offer is a load of crap. He’s not too confident about the small batch of loyal men he’s got, but he does suggest that Melisandre might be just the weapon they need (also the Wildlings, who have a little loyalty to Jon, too).
Too bad the Red Woman is not in, shall we say fighting shape. The episode reveals (once she takes off that fiery gem she’s been wearing on her neck this whole time) that Melisandre is not who she appears to be. But the fact that she's really a maybe 200 year-old woman is not as important in the moment as why she chose to take down her facade. Jon’s death has profoundly affected her, since it means her visions in the flames have been wrong this entire time (we guess the Lord of Light was sending her fan fic and not the real stuff). This is not the woman you are going to want to defend yourself from 40 armed men. For that you need the one who birthed a shadow. And she's taking a nap.

Challenge accepted

The hugging is weird. It's weird. (Photo: HBO)

Not even crossing an icy river could keep Ramsay’s hounds away from Sansa and Theon, who survived their big leap in the Season 5 finale only to be quickly tracked down by their enemy (Ramsay himself is still pouting at Winterfell). I have to say, major points to Theon here, who finally remembered how to be a human after everything Ramsay put him through. He nearly sacrifices himself to try to save Sansa. It would have been a great moment for him if it had been effective in the slightest.

But hey, you know who is super effective? BRIENNE OF FREAKING TARTH. After making her stare at a window all season last year (why, why, why) the only decent person left in the world (besides Davos) saved the day in the nick of time and in style. She and Podrick (good old Pod) swooped in to save the shivering and weakened Sansa and Theon from the Bolton men that had caught up to them. After she saves Sansa from being returned to her abuser, the elder Stark daughter finally accepts the world’s greatest human as her sworn sword. We haven’t been this optimistic about a Stark child in a good long while. Keep up the good work, Brienne.

Prophecy and fate

Cheer up! You have your zombie knight to protect you! (Photo: HBO)

How do you kick Cersei when she’s down? Bring her the dead body of her beloved daughter, is how. Jaime returns from his failed mission to Dorne to find his sister and lover a shell of her former self. There is a glimmer of hope in the post-"SHAME SHAME SHAME" Cersei when she thinks she’s getting Myrcella back. But that hope is quickly stamped out by her grief. Jaime, however, is still trying to bring some of that Lannister magic back, telling Cersei to shun the prophecy she believes sealed her doom.

Still kind of doomed? Maid Margaery, who is suffering the same interrogation technique Cersei had to deal with last season from the church (understatement of the year goes to the High Sparrow: ”Septa Unella can be overzealous at times”). She hasn’t confessed but her situation hasn’t gotten any better, either. Will she take the same punishment Cersei did or hold onto her claimed innocence? And, hey, what about Loras?

Death in the sunshine

RIP we guess. (Photo: HBO)

Did the Sand Snakes get a sneak peek at Beyonce’s Lemonade? Because your favorite bastard daughters of Oberyn Martell seemed to be channeling the Queen Bey’s new visual album in their outfits. But the similarities to Beyonce stop at their wardrobe, as they quickly and quietly stage a coup in Dorne. Gone are Doran Martell and Trystane (gone before we can even really remember who they are). Here to stay? Ellaria and her daughters, although what their next steps are isn’t exactly clear. But they hate the Lannisters and they aren’t shy about it.

How to make friends and influence people

Drogo was cooler. Just saying. (Photo: HBO)

Tyrion Lannister is the preferred guy to turn to when you have a city on the verge of a breakdown, so all the Meereenese should really chill out after Dany's great escape last season. Tyrion and Varys put their best “common merchant” disguises on and head out into the streets of Meereen to find out what the common people are thinking as they begin their stewardship of the city. But the commoners are thinking is not very good, considering to them it seems like their beloved Mhysa flew off on a dragon and abandoned them for good, and now they're pissed. It’s not a good vibe (and not helped by the burning of what looks like every ship around), but if anyone can turn it around, Tyrion can. And hey! He’s trapped there, so he has to!

Too bad Dany is off and captured by the stars of the Dothraki version of Entourage. The former Khaleesi finds herself up against a new Khal, and he’s not as friendly as Drogo (also, he has a lot of bros). After threatening to rape her (because, you know, it’s this show), he eventually realizes that she is the widow of a Khal and thus protected. But that does not mean he’s going to let her go back to Meereen. She needs to be protected, alright, but in the halls of Vaes Dothrak with the other widows of Khals. It is known.
Maybe Daario and Jorah can find her, if they aren’t too busy having macho contests during their search? Thanks.

Begging you

PERK UP. We know you can. (Photo: HBO)

The episode also made time for a very quick check in on Arya, who is having some trouble with her new-found blind situation in Braavos. The younger Stark daughter is back on the streets, begging for money. Also not good? Her complete inability to fight in this state, demonstrated by the whooping she receives from the Waif. Arya may be having trouble with her new normal, but one thing’s for sure: She can’t wait around for it to be fixed. She needs to get up and do something

Death watch

Jon Snow: Still kind of dead-looking, but does not mean he has to stay that way. Remember that Red Priest who brought Beric Dondarrion back from the dead in season 2 (Thoros of Myr, if you remember)? Well, considering the episode’s display of Melisandre’s powers, we’d say it’s not anywhere out of the realm of possibility. She just needs to, you know, perk up a bit. But the other season 5 finale casualties (Stannis, Miranda and Myrcella) are dead, dead and dead.
Who we lost in "The Red Woman":

• Doran Martell
• Trystane Martell
• Areo Hotah
• Several Bolton red shirts guards